


Red flowers (century 19XX)

by Scandein



Category: Century 19XX (Webcomic)
Genre: Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Implied abuse, Just don't, Other, domestic abuse, don't read this if you don't like abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:14:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26643574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scandein/pseuds/Scandein
Summary: These are the chapters specifically around joki's past that doesn't involve rei





	1. Red flowers

The tapping of the rain against the window held him awake. Eyes wide open he laid on his bed, don't close your eyes. tomorrow was his birthday- 11 years he had lived then. On his chest he held a nicely made letter with a heart on it, he was never very good at writing but this day was the day. He couldn't help but to smile to himself a little as his eyes starred up at the colorless celing. Wait, what if he wrote something wrong? no he didn't, He has already made sure- has he?

He laid on the bed dead still, he needed to check- it can't go wrong. He tried to listen closely to if mother was still awake. He could hear her footsteps walking around.

Damn it.

was it safe?

Taking a deep breath ached in his chest as he sat up- quickly lighting the candle as he swiftly pulled up the letter once again. He just had to make sure it was correct. He tried to read it through as fast as he could, he just had to make it to the end-

The door swung open leaving him to jump and quickly slide the crumpled paper under the pillow- he was quick but not quick enough to blow out the light in the room. Taking a inner breath he met his mother's cruel stare with confidence, she didn't see him.

"Hello mom." he gave her a big smile, the way he had learned to do all these years. Her eyes furrowed, her smell was almost choking him. alchohol. He watched her warily make her way over to him into the room, ready for anything. She almost seemed to always want to puke when he saw his albino characteristics every time.

"the god's name you smiling about." Her stern sharp voice cut through whatever hope he had mustered up to this point of time of her entering the room. He took a sigh as he opened his mouth to speak. "can you leave my room- i need to sleep-"

He's not sure what hurt more.

The surprise, the realization that he wasen't even going to get a chance to talk, that she had just come in here for the solid reason to let it all out.

Or the fact that she had so little care for him, his well-being, his continued existence, that at the smallest objection, he was punced under the ribs, right in the kidney

He fell off the bed- falling down hard, hitting his hand and spraining his wrists as he fell down on his back.

He wheezed in surprise, spit and maybe bile and blood clinging to his lip, cheek hot and burning as it was pressed against the uneven stone floor as ground. His abdomen ached, it felt hot. Stupidly enough what hurt more was his still pounding head, made worse by the metallic taste in his mouth. His breathing was fast, but he made sure not to let his panic show. Not to let the pain, the fear be showchased to her.

He had simply asked to be alone.

"Why are you talking as if you own this place hah?! Are you trying to lead me astray from gods path hah?" Her voice was shrill and hurt his ears, that was not new though.

"i don't even care a shit about your god." He mumbled after spitting out a mouthful of blood- he had sliced clean through his lip, go figure. As soon as he said those words, he regretted and he tried not shivering as a spark of rage lit up in mother's dead eyes.

"You don't get to speak of him in such a way you bastard."

He saw the foot flying at his face- he didn't get the chance to do more than close his eyes. the world went dark.

He woke up again.

It hurt.

It hurt to breathe.

His skin felt on fire.

It hurt to breathe.

He sighed as deep as he dared, as he tried getting his mind back on track.

It hurt like hell, but he was pretty sure his ribs were still not broken.

It was a pure, crime of passion, premeditated torture.

He breathed in, against the pain.

Oxygen for his brain so he could think clearly and not spiral.

He did not know alot about pshchological learnings but it felt at times like his mother wanted to break his spirit simply for her amusement- as if showing god of how good of a person she was for punishing this vulgar creature.

glancing over to the bed he made no effort to get there, his ankles felt numb from the pain. he didn't want to even look at it. Trying to stay awake felt hard- the pain was too much- he couldn't handle it.

just a moment.

just a minute,

just a second. of a little sleep.

zero days til birthday-

His eyes shut up as he breathed in suddenly, choking on his tears, his blood, his confusion. Looking around he was calmed by the abscense of his mother, it felt like a soft hand to his cheek, drying the tears he still couldn't reel in, that slipped under his hot cheeks. A little voice saying that it would be alright, He found himself leaning into the nonexistant warmth, the hands were warm he imagined.

In the room walked mother in, looking dead at him as if he wasen't more than an insect. "are you still on the floor." He couldn't help but to shoot her a glare as she walked forward. "get up before an hour or i'll help you myself." and with that she left.

he laid a soft hand on his leg and He flinched so violently, he saw stars of pain in his hazy eyes.

He mumbled to himself trying to reassure himself-  
"The ankle shouldn't stop you from being able to stand." he surmissed, as if he was evaluating faulty construction and not a another human being. "the knee is definetly a problem though"

seemingly without a care in the world, he pressed a hand against his thigh, as he grabbed his leg and reset his knee in one quick gesture.

He opened his mouth to scream.

When walking he had to force himself not to throw up as he stumbled into the kitchen, not giving a glance her way before walking out of the building- towards the damned school he dreaded so much. but not this day. This day was special, he was going to announce his feelings for the only person he found light in when all was darkness.

His foot limped after him slightly- the ankle was definetly a sad sight, it had gotten alot of attention from the 'treatments' as of late. sometimes he questioned if one day she would just barge into his room with an axe of something of that sort, it was honestly a miracle she haden't killed him for 11 years now. 4915 days- 347 126 472 seconds. that was good.

Watching afar he felt himself getting impatient his eyes finding the boy at once- only to stop. He watched the children walk into the school, looking down at his letter for a moment. why was he going here? . the question scared him a little bit. he shook his head as he looked back before walking inside the building. it was all fuzzy- even so it was so clearly in memory. Everyone turning their heads towards him.

The letter in his hands as he held it behind his back as he was about to take a step inside- only to feel someone grab it, pulling it away from his hands. he reached out to get it but it was too late, opened for the whole class to see. He only went on instincs at that point.

Rushing forward in attempt to rip it from the person's hand. The laughter surrounding them- the damn jerk holding it over his head.

stop it.

Leaning forward he didn't realize until it was too late that his teeth had burried into the skin of the arm- the scream- and the pulling. when he was pulled off the letter was no more the focus.

The boy smiled, that child like smile, children could be cruel. He stepped uncomfortably closer and without fanfare closed his hand on the back of his shirt as he began dragging him outside-- He could only grit his teeth together as all the small stones and debris stabbed him through his clothes. Rubbed his skin raw as all forces of friction attempted against him. The boy's voice held the stupid child tone, but also disoppointment. "you still have not learned."

He bit down on his mangled lip and pretended he was okay.

it hurt.

everything hurt.

were they gone now?

Being left on the hard ground he woke up, had he passed out? he figured.

He let his shoulder sag for what he wanted to be a brief second.

he was exhuasted.

he licked his parched lips.

he just hoped he could have some water at home soon.

Humans could only survive 3 days without water.

He was going to punch every single one of that class when he saw them again, His fantasy boy too, He would refuse to speak to them ever again, to let them suffer alone. his shattered ankle ached, alot ached right now.

His skin felt on fire.

It hurt to breathe.

He held his eyes open, he was only partly sure that the man he could see between flashes of light, was a product of his imagination.

There was no warm hand.

Had that creepy meet-cute 5 hours ago been real or a product of his imagination?

It must have been all the pain, the aching of his body that made it easier for his mind to play tricks on him. He should be more vigilant. It was simply his brain trying to keep his sanity impact.

Maybe it Was a way to cope from the reality he was in.

All the dark nights that had made him hyper aware of the darkness around him.

He hated being in the dark.

It reminded him of a crushing void, of the times he was locked up in a room for days without any contact from human.

He wouldn’t try to escape, he had learned that a shattered ankle and dislocated knee does not take one far.

It hurt.

He forces himself up. Pain. It hurt to breathe. Taking a deep breath he felt a grin spread across his face and a chuckle, as he covered his face with his hands for no one to see.

It hurt.

“If I’m not dead now I’m going to die tonight- as soon as I come home. Is it for the best?” His voice slurred with the blood as he tried choking his giggling.

Tired.

So tired.

The weight on his ankle hurt like it was on fire, but he had to leave- he was used to the pain. Nothing new. It still hurt though.

Everything hurt.

He ended up simply dragging his ankle- it was a lost cause to try standing on it. His mother had always justified her actions as the gods will for every little thing. Piece of shit.

The uneven ground rubbed the skin raw. It hurt. He spotted the house. He hesitated. Why does he want to go inside? He frowned absently as he thought it was clear why. Why do you want to hurt yourself? Do you deserve it?

He stopped in front of the door- the old, dooming door. He just wanted to get through it; one day he would have everyone pay.

His hand reached for the cold metal doorknob, turning it to the side. The door opened. One step, two steps. “I’m home okasa (okasa means mother or mom in Japanese) the silence loomed in the house.

He stood still, he had a reply on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. He somewhat whisper he had kept his mouth shut. Maybe then he could just sleep a little.

The house was quiet. He waited another moment. He stepped further into the house, there was a note on the counter. He found his gaze fall on the floor as his eyes widen slightly.

“I am sorry god, I cannot take this anymore-

The body was on the floor spread out pathetically with a gun by the head.

-I tried to accept the punishment you gave to me, but I cannot handle it anymore”

Mother.

He did not move, he simply looked at the body. The way he had wished he would see her so many times in his life at night.  
He felt the corner of his lips tug, He bared his teeth, he dared to laugh. He felt his sight going fuzzy from unshed tears-

this was a dream

don't want to wake up from it

how is he supposed to feel?

His heart did a stupid jump in his throat.

no, there was no way this was real.

He covered his face with a hand, the knuckles to which the skin was rubbed raw. The hand was cold.

He bared his teeth again, terrified and angry at equal measures. he wanted this to be real, he wanted it to not be. she had abandoned him in such a distasteful way. he did not miss her, she had just abandoned him that was all.

was this just a dream?

Somehow the question made him hunch in on himself, as if he could cradle his mountain of unshed tears, of seconds close to his chest, protecting them from outside judgment.

he kept laughing- his lungs hurting as he did so.  
Because if he let go, if he so much as relaxed, he feared his illusion would fade, like mist under the sun.

So even if it hurt, he would not let go.  
Was he safe?  
He wasn’t safe.  
The seconds continued to pass until his lungs was out of air and he had sunken down to lean against the counter, sitting on the floor.

What a funny joke, joke. jokes were funny, Joki. He had never been called by a name, but just in case someone- anyone asked. he would say Joki.


	2. Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometime later after miyuki's death

Walking the rough gravel pained him as even if his ankle had gotten somewhat better he was more than certain that it had healed incorrectly. He did not want to share his new name to be Joki as it was for him to use when he escaped this dirty place- but to do that he needed to commotion to pass.

After the ‘incident’ he had been enjoying life to the extent that he was able to, the smell was not bothering anymore and he had stopped himself from reacting to the body anymore. Although it was inevitable that it would be found after a while- when that happened there was two things he could do. Go into foster care or running away.

It was obvious.

Being back to school was weird at first, nobody spoke to him the first week, simply avoiding him from the sheer shape he was in. They were children, they don’t know consequences, they’re too shallow to know that. Their brains had yet to develop the concept of consequences for their actions.

Settling down by a tree he waited for the bell to ring, watching all the children run around in the area he noticed one child walking up to him. He stopped infront of him as he looked up at the child. "What the gods happened to you?" the question lacked in sencerity- it held rather the tone of mockery in a way instead.

"None of your business." he mumbled in reply as he watched the child frown at the response. What the hell did he expect? that he would tell him? The child shook his head as he smiled again. "we should call you something, how about... Hayan?"

it sounded stupid, although it was easier to go by a name even though it was definetly a taunt. He shrugged clearly enough for it not to hurt, giving the boy a glance. "i guess."

The first days that went was somewhat normal, Hayan believed he was in the age of being a teenager or a preteen at least, it seemed that way. New students came to the school and old ones left. January 21st was today, walking into class he took his seat as the new students were coming in- all eyes being on him.

The first lesson went on with ease, nobody commented on him as when the lesson was over he made his way around the teachers desk, grabbing whatever was found in the drawer of the desk before leaving:

He hurried out to the outside and settled under a tree, looking out on the people taking out their lunches to begin eating. The way his stomach ached pained him, he could always steal some- but that would only get him into trouble.

Looking at the situation he would probably go hungry like usually, there was some girls at a table looking at him and whispering.

Glancing over at what their table was filled with it seemed to be some odd items he had never seen before, “makeup” was it called? Looking at the girls they seemed to be from the west- already seemingly intrigued by him and probably not knowing that his skin was an abnormally shade of pale in comparison to the other kids he believed that there maybe a chance for him to maybe- charm them?

It was a cheap trick that consisted by complimenting and smiling a lot but it could work, he wasn’t interested in them at all but they had food that he wanted. Getting up he smiled the biggest pretty boy smile he had for himself.

A girl giggled as Hayan made his way over to them, he was very good in English- not with writing but in speaking it he was basically fluent. “Hey ladies, whatcha got over here?” He spoke in a confident but soft lover boy tone as he looked over at the girls.

“Ah it’s just Make-up and some bentos, nothing special.”

He tilted his head giving them a charming smile, “really? And what’s your name then? You don’t look to be from around here- n-not that that’s bad but-“ he added in some stutter aswell as a voice sounding like backing off only to get the girls to get hooked.

If anything it seemed to only eager the girls more, “no-no don’t apologize! My name is Mary” definitely western “Mary? Mary, a beautiful name for a fittingly beautiful person.”

Mary blushed at the compliment as she waved her hand nonchalantly, “you shush,”

At that moment he found his stomach twisting in a groan leaving him blushing embarrassedly. The girls went quiet before giggling a little at this- he gave a apologetic smile before leaving the last attack, “I cannot tell if it’s the wonderful food making me ache or the hunger for something or someone else? Maybe I could have a bento so I can decide which it is?”

As the girls looked at each other they looked back smiling “oh here have mine! Make sure to find out which it is” they smiled as one of them handed him a bento, he had to restrain himself from ripping it from her hands and instead taking it hesitantly acting surprised and thankful. “Then have a amazing meal ladies”

And with that he turned his heel hearing them chattering behind him as he made his leave to the tree, arriving at it he almost collapsed as he took a rice ball with his hand, hungrily beginning to eat as he couldn’t keep himself in check any longer than he had needed to. This way such a easy way to get food, maybe there was other ways aswell to get food than this way, it felt tedious and waste of time.

As he chew down the food he turned his way sideways to listen in on a commotion going on, some boys were picking on a smaller kid. He watched as the boy got his food stolen as the boys left, he recognized the frail boy to have been one of the boys in his old class, the boy looked at him pleadingly. What did he want him to do? He had not done anything when that was his own situation.

He turned away, hoping the boy would give up, he never bothered to remember the names, the faces, it was as if it was all crossed out in his mind, they were not people important to remember anyways. As he focused on his food there was a voice that broke the moment of relaxation.

“I-um someone took my food, can I have some of yours?”

Hayan glanced over at the boy who wore a stupid pleading smile on his face, he swallowed before responding, “why?”

It seemed to startle the boy slightly as he tried to fumble with words, “well uh, if you give me it now I can give you some tomorrow Alright? Even more than what you have right now- you don’t get that much at home do you?”

That’s right, basically everyone knew why he would come to school thin as a twig, but nobody bothered ever to act on it. The promise of more food made his mouth drool on the inside, less food today and more food tomorrow.. he hesitated before shrugging handing the boy his food. The boy shined up before thanking him and running away.

More food.. he couldn’t figure out why it would work that way. The next day at lunch time he walked to the boy, hands in his pockets as he spoke, the boy was sitting with the group who had stolen from him just the other way as he voiced. ”hey. Can I have my food?”

The boy turned his head, having stopped laughing and looking around the other boys before back at Hayan. He snorted, “why the hell would I give you food Hayan?” Hayan stood his place as he frowned a bit, “you said that I was going to get food today yesterday.”

“The hell I did, now scram.” He laughed aswell as the other boys as Hayan left, what was he thinking? People are selfish, having ego get to their head, he promised that he wouldn’t fall for it twice.

That day he went hungry all day, when the next day came he was back at the tree with the food he had gotten from the west girls. As he was about to begin the boy once again came back crawling clearing his voice weakly. “Hey um Hayan? Could you give me some food?” He hesitated just once before continuing to eat as he could tell the boy was getting agitated. “Hey, I know you heard me.”

Hayan continued eating as he watched the boy grit his teeth, “just give me it already!” He grabbed the box as Hayan immediately went to act pulling it aswell as kicking the boy so that he staggered backwards. “the hell let go of it already!” “Cut it out!” In a weird unpredictable movement the food fell all the the ground. The boy spit on the ground in anger as he yelled, “the hell is your problem?! Weirdo.” He turned as he left Hayan was left with the mess on the ground. He gritted his teeth in silence as it was another day to be hungry.

The next day Hayan made his way straight to the boy’s table as he stopped by it looking down at the boy, he looked up at Hayan with a sneer as he spoke, “hah? What the hell do you wan-“ he was silenced as Hayan cut him off, “give me back my food, or I’ll beat the shit out of you.”

The boy seemed to freeze up as he let out a strained laugh, “What the hell you talking about ,” as he had finished Hayan replied, “Mary always places my food on that table, I watched as you stole it.”

The boy chuckled lowly as he stood up, remarking, “so? What are you gonna do about it?-“ he was not able to finish as Hayan grabbed the boys head and slammed it into the table as there was a grunt heard, he pulled the boy up by the hair again pushing him down to the ground kicking him in the stomach so that he curled up in a ball on the ground. He lifted the boy up by the collar, hitting the boy straight in the face before letting him lay on the ground. When he looked around to look at the boys at the table they had not even stood up to held, simply staring at Hayan in shock.

He has not changed a single muscle in his face and instead grabbed the box and stood next to the boy, “take my food again and I’ll beat you up until you can’t walk.” With that said he walked away to his tree once again but was stopped by a gurgled yell, “you’re fucking nuts!” He waited a moment before replying, “maybe I am.” and with that he walked to his tree and sat down to eat the food, his fist was bloody and for a long time he felt a odd feeling of satisfaction

Walking into class it didn’t take long for him to get called to the principal, when he got there he sat down on a seat, on the second seat the boy was sitting with a black eye.

Of the years that he had been here it was not too unusual that he ended up here atleast once or thrice in a month.  
“Would you explain to me why one of my students today came into school like this?” The principal spoke giving Hayan a stern look.

He raised his eyebrows as if surprised, not enough to be worried but enough to piss one off, he let out a dragged out sigh “No miss I cannot”

“He have said that you beat him up and then stole his lunch, you know the consequences of stealing don’t you?

“Expelling is what happens miss” he made a show of how annoying this was for him to endure as he replied.  
“Then why did you do it?“

He gestured with his hands as he spoke, “ I did not, Mary makes my food for me since she’s my girlfriend and I can’t get food at home, I would only beat someone up if someone stole my food which of someone did would lead to them being expelled..”  
It seemed to hit the boy as he tensed up and looked at Hayan who turned his eyes towards him as he spoke.  
“And if he is accusing me of beating him up then that would only mean that he had stolen my lunch, but- you didn’t do that did you?”

The boy looked down, averting from their gazes as he parted his lips to speak a couple of times before closing them again, he shook his head sheepishly. “I erm, I think I mistakenly accused Hayan miss”

“Are you telling me then that you didn’t get beaten up?”

“N,no Miss- i probably hit my head on something it think, it’s coming back to me now.”

The principal sighed as she waved her hand towards Hayan, “you’re free to leave, now off to class.” Hayan nodded with a smile as he left the room, after the class ended the boy held his head lowered during recess, Hayan would lie if he said that he cared for the boy in the first place- he knew that he would mess up but still tried.

After the school was over he mostly wandered the city, he didn’t really have a place to crash at many of the times when the school ended. But there was one night when he tried something else, he took a different route this time, walking to where a specific house was. He saw a window being on the second floor as he with ease climbed up a tree, walking over to the thinnest of branch, he was basically weightless which made it easy to get around always.

He knocked on the window as he waited a moment before Mary opened the window looking shocked for a moment. She whispered half loudly, “Hayan? What are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night!”  
“I don’t have a place to sleep at, can I come in?”

She seemed hesitant at first, but unsurprisingly she let him in, when he was inside she closed the window as she turned her head towards Hayan, “so; you beat up that kid the other day.. what the hell was that about?”

He held a soft gentle voice as he spoke, but made sure to sprinkle in some irritation into it aswell, “he stole my lunch that you made for me, It means too much to me and I got angry that someone took my girlfriend’s lunch.” It was a lie, of course, food was food, it just happened that it was food he didn’t need to steal. Her face flushed up as she looked away brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, she whispered in a soft voice, “girlfriend? I mean- I could if you- I wouldn’t mind being that to you..”

He smiled before turning away taking off his shirt and laying it on the floor, “o-oh, um- I mean if we’re going to do that..” he heard her speak as when he turned around he was met with lips being pressed up against his own, he was startled- this kind of intimacy was not something he was familiar of, as she pulled away he heard her giggle as she spoke, “are you a virgin kisser? That’s adorable, I would’ve thought you were an expert in this!”

“Not really..” he mumbled softly not enough for her to hear as he was pushed onto the bed, when he felt contact with his neck he quickly pushed her back mumbling, “mn n-no, please don’t..”

When he looked at her he realized what he had just said, had he pleaded? That was a mistake he admitted, he sat up straight clearing his voice. “Sorry i just-“ “are you crying? What’s wrong?” He looked at her oddly when he felt a tear running down his face as he quickly wiped his face.

He could pretend many things, but any type of intimacy felt too much, that was something he could not pretend.

“I um- no, no it’s fine I just-“ he averted his gaze, not willing to see her in the eyes, she liked him when he simply used her to get food and a place to stay, he was unwilling of letting anyone get into his personal circle again. When she reached out his body staggered away from the touch, expecting pain to follow.

“I uhm, uh, you have anything like, alcohol?” He gestured with his hand in a tired motion before shaking his hand absently, “I don’t know. I just- when I was younger touch wasn’t something associated with good.” It was partly true, but just having the words slightly twisted.

Mary looked away before reaching over to her drawer with a smile, “hey, there’s this thing in the west and such.. it makes you feel good.” When she leant back she held a piece of paper rolled around some powder. “You smoke it, and then you feel good.”

He frowned slightly taking the rolled paper into his hand feeling skeptical about it, he looked at her watching her nod as he shrugged before putting it into his mouth as he watched her lighting the tip of it. “Now remove it and blow”

He followed her instructions, coughing a bit at the first try before putting it back and smoking correctly. A wave of high crashes over him as he sighed deeply, feeling all worries pass over him. He didn’t remember much of what happened after that, they probably just laid in bed getting high for the rest of the night.

After that it became more of an urge- the concept of “drugs are bad” are hard to think of when it’s the only thing making one relax.

During one class he had continuously asked Mary for it that she suddenly turned around on him yelling at him; “you never talk about anything else anymore! You’re just like everyone said you were! Just a dumb worthless orphan!” He stopped as he froze. “Is that why you didn’t want to sleep with me?! Because you’re just a drug addicted gay?! Never speak to me again!”

And with that, it was over. Honestly, he never really liked her in the first place but- what did he expect. Why was he the one getting yelled at? Wasn’t she the one making him try it? Was it really his fault? Was it?

As the day went by he got called into the principal’s office, a lot of it was a blur.

“I have gotten an report of which says that you have raped one of your female classmates”

What.

“I will have to expel you.”

Now he was standing outside the school, not knowing what to think- what happened- what went so wrong? He blinked. He gritted his teeth.

“Fine! I don’t need the school! I’ll take care of myself!”

As he smiled triumphantly he could feel his cheeks getting wet as he laughed, “fucking- I don’t need anyone- I’m fine being alone again- I’m-“

He fell silent as the last part came out as a whisper “alone..”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometime before the death of miyuki

The chilly air in the dark night could be felt as if knives if you were too long out, small stars of white snow descended slowly from the sky to cover the colorful ground with the soft white.

A peaceful night. Is what many would’ve thought.

A shrill shriek is what ruined it all. The memory always was found to be fuzzy and blurred, especially the part to which the bad deed had been done that would be enough to be punished for.

A hard grip on the back of the shirt the door flung open to reveal two Silhouettes in the door. Kicking and screaming with a desperation in his voice the small boy screamed as the woman threw him into the snow. The ground was cold, scrambling to his feet the door slammed shut just as he got to the door to which he began slamming his fists against the hard wood. “Oi! Hey you can’t leave me out here I’ll die!! Hey let me in!!” He was suddenly thrown back as the door slammed open to which a hard force suddenly made contact with his face.

Being thrown back he could only figure that he had been kicked in the face as he laid gasping in the snow, his skin burning as it made contact with the snow. He felt weak, attempting the push himself up as he watched red drops appearing on the white surface. As he began recovering he whipped his head as he remembered the door was still open.

“Then so be it” a cold voice hissed as he felt a sudden incredible pain covered his body as he had been splashed in water causing him to wither and shudder whilst he whimpering in surprise. The cold was like a punch to the gut- blowing the wind out of him at the same time. The sound of the bucket being thrown aside him as well as the door slamming shut felt distant as he could only think on holding his shuddering body. He watched every breath he took become a cloud of white in the dark night.

When he did get enough strength to get up he’d bang on the door whilst yelling, it wouldn’t take long until he could only sit by the door trying to keep himself warm which was proven to be quite difficult. Guess that was the closest he got to the death. The incredible pain had him to willing to do anything to feel warmth.

It was only late into the morning which some people had spotten him sitting at the staircase mumbling. His eyes opened slightly as the door opened behind him, not that he noticed.

The mother smiled as she looked at the boy, pretending to be shocked. “Oh dear What are you doing outside? I thought I told you these nights get cold!” She exclaimed as she grabbed the small body by the arms and held him in an embrace. He clung to the warmth, almost delirious as he whimpered. “M-mom-“ “it’s alright it’s alright let’s go inside now dear” The sweet voice, the motherly embrace was all so fake, he wanted to puke. If only it was real.


	4. Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a retelling by joki about an experience in the past

“So, Joki.” Rei hummed has he was laying upon the rusty piece of metal that was presumed to be a ‘car’ from the old ages, it was by a tree in a field with wheat as Joki and Rei had gotten it going only to crash into a tree with it. Joki hummed back in response whom was sitting with his back against the tree, this place was common for them to hang out on now, as it was always so calming.

“Have you ever been really scared?” The question had Joki being taken off guard as the grass in his mouth stopped swaying back and forth as a silence was created. He hesitated, choosing his words carefully as he observed Rei’s face to see if it was just a question that wouldn’t be minded if it was brushed off. It didn’t seem that way from the way that Rei had been more quiet this afternoon. “What do you mean.” Rei wasn’t giving any hint of what he was thinking as he spoke, “I disobeyed an higher officer some days ago, which scared me because- not that he’d hurt me but what the consequences would be.”

Ah. “Well-“ Joki began as he was trying to change the subject, only to be interrupted by Rei’s voice. “Have you ever been scared of the consequences of disobeying someone?”

...

Joki turned his head awkwardly away as he was shifting uncomfortably, he scratched the back of his head. “Why’re you asking me about that kind of thing..”  
“Well- I just thought- no offense but you seem like the type to disobey orders.” There the silence was again, Joki rolled his bottom lip between his teeth as he spoke. “One time.”

“It was with my mom, she used to drink stuff not good for her and me being around seemed to agitate her so- one day I ran away kind of. I hid by the river.”

As Joki ran he spotted a part under the bridge to which he could hide under, under it was barrels to which a traveler owned as they were now currently empty. One good thing for his small size was the fact that he could fit easily into places others couldn’t, he ran over as he hid in a barrel- she wouldn’t find him here.

“I thought she wanted me gone so you bet it surprised me when that was wrong too.”

As Joki had by now almost fallen asleep as he had a tendency to do when low on energy, he suddenly jolted as he heard footsteps approaching as he could hear mumbles of two voices. “I believe my son might be playing hide and seek with me, would you allow me to check your shop?” By now Joki has slammed a hand over his mouth- terrified that even at the noise like breathing would give him away. Please say no- “well I guess it would be fine, just get it done quickly.” God- god he hated that shopkeeper- he didn’t even know him-

He’s so close to escaping-

And yet, so far away. As those words ripped away all hope he has mustered up as of until now- now he could only suffer silently as he was terrified of his heart beating out of his chest. He can hear her footsteps. They’ve quiet, but they shake through his entire being.

“Sweetie? You can come out now, I won’t hurt you.”

He feels himself shifting in place as it’s getting uncomfortable, but he won’t submit. She’s promised such brutal things for disobedience. Or at least brutal for the now 6 year old. He hears her whistle like calling for a dog. “Come on out!”

How did she know he was here? It was so dark now after all- maybe she was doing this daily at her job.

“If you come out now and apologize I promise I’ll be a bit softer on you hm?”

That’s a tempting offer- maybe he will be able at least for some hours to be happy with mom. Do normal son and mom things like drawing or something like that. Yet, she tends to be very, very, very harsh. He would want to keep the food he had taken in to stay in his stomach this time.

Is he being ungrateful? She let’s him to stay under a roof after all- and maybe this is still just a phase in her life that’ll get better later on.

In a low mutter, he hears, “I’ll be honest with you here, you’re only making this worse for yourself.”

Tears begin building up in the corner of his eyes as they start running down his face the closer she gets. She starts at one end with the boxes, removing lids or opening them slightly.

Closer.

Closer.

He can feel himself getting lightheaded from the lack of air now- he gasps.

And, when light peeks through into his own hiding place, he know it’s over.

The lid is ripped open.

“Hayan.” She hisses with a grin on her face, a predator who just found her prey.

He begins sobbing uncontrollably, trying to press himself to the bottom of the barrel.

“I’m sorry mom! I’m sorry, I’m sorry I- I got scare-“

She janks him up from the barrel, he should’ve really gotten the hint. She didn’t find him because she cared for him. Who else would she put her anger on? She looks gleeful but also terrifyingly angry.

“But even when I was calling out for you, you chose not to show yourself”

“M sorry, I was frightened-“

Now, she kneels, wiping the tears away from his face with her thumb. Truly- no wonder nobody interferes with a caring mother helping her child.

“Not an excuse, now let’s go home now hm?”

“That night didn’t-“ Joki paused, back to where he was sitting against the tree, once again choosing his words carefully. “go as one would hope.” “Did punish you?” Rei hummed as Joki mumbled. “You could say that.


	5. Blessing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit to the grave years later

“Hey mom.”

All thoughts fell empty when doing this; even when he came here every year and at least had done it more than six times now. There was a bitter taste in the mouth that compelled him to speak all things on his mind right now. Taking a lengthy breath he shoved his hand in his pocket.

Why he was standing on a hill with a tree was weird enough, it got only worse as that place held a gravestone he so despised.

“Honestly, I don’t know why I’m still coming here. I guess it’s just the motherly love hm?”

Kneeling down he reached down picking up the dead flowers on the grave as he tossed them away nonchalantly over his head.

“Oh right, I came to refill your flowers, that’s it. Did you know that Kiku (きく)are used for funerals in order to get you to heaven? Wasn’t that something with your gods or somethin..”

He bit the inside of the cheek as he spoke. “That’s why I’m here for exactly that to happen.” Standing up he held out a couple red flowers, red spider lilies.”So, I got you something fitting, Higanbana (彼岸花), heard it had the meaning for what you did to me and stuff- and somethin about it giving bad fortune for the spirit whose grave has it on.”

Joki tossed the flowers carelessly at the grave. “That’s why I keep coming here, to prevent you from leaving, so you can get what you deserve.”

He had a satisfactory smile on his face as it soon faded. “Though being real here, if it were for me- that day you left was honestly the best thing that could’ve happened.”

“I truly. Do despise you mother. I hope you burn in hell.”


End file.
